I find that I have a personal barometer that I measure and alter my emotions by. My weight. I realized it this morning as I shied away from the scale. I haven’t stepped on the scale in the past two weeks due to vacations and poor eating, I didn’t know what to expect.
Now, I’m well aware that the number on the scale should not affect me. It doesn’t own me, I am (or think I am) at all times in power of my body. Yet why the fear this morning? Well, I haven’t worked out as much, I ate more decadent meals, and I lost too much sleep. So what was I to do? I knew I needed a base on where my weight was after two weeks of gluttony, so I sucked it up (and in) and got on that scale.
What did it tell me? Well, somehow I’ve managed to maintain/drop a teensy bit of weight. I don’t know how it happened, but I found myself immediately cheerful. Something about that darn scale gets to me. Every. Damn. Time. I don’t have a pair of skinny jeans, I don’t keep body measurements of my progress, I just base my body on that single number. Somehow seeing that I haven’t deviated off my downward path was able to improve my mood immediately.
I’ve learned to become less upset about small fluctuations upward, but that lower number? Heaven. Maybe I’m learning to eat and live at a balance. Perhaps my body is plateauing again (it sure likes to do that). Whatever it is, I’m glad that I’m managing to maintain a healthier lifestyle. Hopefully my barometer will never exceed that previous tens digit (not sure I’m ready to admit it). And if it ever dare, hopefully I have the strength and determination to weasel my way back down.
What about you? Do you have a personal barometer? Does any physical factor make or break your mood?
How many times have you said, “I’d kill for…”? I came across this postcard from PostSecret this week and it struck a chord. I find myself agreeing with this individual, what wouldn’t I give to have the perfect body I’ve always wanted. I’ve tried to eat differently, increase my exercise, think more positively, but nothing has managed to work as of yet.
Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately?) I will never have to face a decision as drastic as the one denoted in the postcard. There is still hope for my body the natural way, seeing as that is my only real option (no more plastic surgery for me). Here is to trying to be more positive!
In other news, the scale showed a tens-digit I haven’t seen in a while this morning. Starting off the day in a good mood (there was dancing in the shower). Hopefully my yearly review doesn’t shatter that this afternoon…
Tell me: What are your small victories of the day?
Recently I’ve been enjoying the sounds of the Phantods, a local band, when I realized how relevant some of their lyrics are. Each day I’ve listened to their song “Just Like You” and heard the singer remind me to “fight perfection” and be proud of being exactly who I am. It is quite motivating (and catchy at that, been in my head for days on end). I’m trying to take it to heart as I go about my daily life; realizing that I won’t necessarily be a stick thin model or an Olympic runner, but I’m not so shabby.
Here is the bridge, the entire song is worth listening to as all the lyrics are meaningful:
I would like to take the time to remind you
Some say I’m a mess, but the message is clear
These are the things that have led me to here
Stand up, fight perfection
What is all the obsession?
Take off the mask of regret
And look just like you
I realize that there are many aspects of my life that are imperfect, from my body to my relationships, but I’m striving to improve my self-image and find happiness in the woman I’ve grown to be. Even though I didn’t pull myself out of bed at 5am this morning for a workout, the gym will still be there this afternoon and I’ll make it just as wonderful as a morning workout. I can’t let myself get down about the many things I won’t manage to do with my life, but I absolutely must reward the things I do accomplish.
So, in no particular order, five things that have led me to here:
- I’ll be sappy for a moment, but my parents. They aren’t by any means the picture of perfection, but I can’t imagine my life without them. The way my mother kvelled over my marathon was downright embarrassing, but reminded me that I’m accomplishing things no matter what shape I’m in.
- I was always a chubby kid. In fact, the other girls in my third grade class were awful to me and sometimes I imagine that is why I’ve had a poor body image up until this point. Thanks Becky! But in reality, no other individual can stop me from having a more positive outlook, so here’s trying!
- I didn’t know how amazing it would feel to be part of a real running club until I moved to Ohio. I may not be the biggest advocate of the state, but the Cbus Pacers have become a second family. I am guilted when I miss Saturday morning runs and I can count on them for encouragement when I’m hurting.
- Who knew running would become an escape. Exercise has been a part of my life since college, but running is now a special introspective adventure most days. I have to keep in mind the high I get after a fantastic, sweaty, exhausting workout so that it keeps me coming back for more.
- And most importantly, my desire to do better, be better, live better. Now this desire comes and goes, sometimes it flags, but I need to remember that I want to improve my life so I can live it to the fullest every darn day.
So, do tell, what has led you here? Regale me with stories about your journey, I’d love to hear them.